My doctor looked at me like i was crazy yesterday. Apparently doc#1 should have been more clear: I’m going to be in the hospital for the whole weekend not because they are worried about infection, but because they think I’ll be in so much pain/stop doped up I won’t be able to function. Great. Oh, and I shouldn’t work until Nov. 21. Even better.
I’ve been as positive as I can. It’s time I take a moment to complain.
These are things that make me angry: three scars, two on my arm and one on my leg. They’re taking the bone from my right leg; my left leg is the one I had surgery on four years ago. So both of my legs will have scars. I’m losing the joint: it’s hard to explain, but the fibula bone from my leg is going to extend from my arm into my hand; I won’t be able to bend my wrist. I told a coworker I shouldn’t be able to “vogue,” and she said “or walk like an egyptian.” I love her.
I hate that I got the first of many bills in the mail yesterday. I hate that my mom is superstressed and stressing me out in the process. I hate that I never clean my room or put away my laundry, and now I need help to do so. I hate that you can’t wear makeup in surgery; how is a little bit of concealer going to hurt anything? I hate that I’m at the point that vicodin isn’t really affecting me at all, it seems. I hate that I can’t turn my hand to put on deoderant under my right arm. I hate that I don’t have the ability to put my hair up in a ponytail easily. I hate that I can’t pick up a pint glass, open a can of soup, cut my own meat, do dishes, fold laundry or pick up my cat. I hate that I have to put off my travel for work. I hate that I won’t be able to work, that’s seriously making me angry and kinda depressed.
For some humor: it FIGURES that as soon as I’m absolutely NOT interested in, um, dating and whatnot, something interesting happens and I basically have to ignore it because god knows it wouldn’t be fair to him or me.
Flipping the switch back to “good” Amber; my friends are kind and good, I’m not going to die, etc.
I think I’m focusing on the immediate frustrations right now so my mind didn’t drift to the actual surgery and aftermath.

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