New stuff!

Things I’m doing lately:

Improv, sketch and other sundry comedy things at the Push Comedy Theater, and helping with some of their marketing efforts.

Assistant producing The 666 Project

Storytelling (performing and acting as a board member) for Tell Me More Live.

Short Form Improv with On the Fly

Working at Entercom Corporate and running the Radio Works brand. Read it!

Launching a brand new sketch comedy group, The Pre Madonnas. Like us!

Besides that, I am also gardening, going to the gym (I went four times in one week, which is a personal record!), taking long walks on the beach with my friend and her baby, going to shows, and eating tacos. I haven’t gone on any dates since my 30 Dates Project, and never got around to writing about that either. So sometimes I’m a complete failure, but other times I’m doing quite well.

1. Ghent Crush (fest)

Off and on, I was watching a guy sitting at the bar; thin, blonde, wearing a collared blue shirt and slacks. He was typing on his phone enough that I thought he was waiting for someone, but later I realized he probably came, alone, for the event. Twice I almost walked over to him to invite him to sit with us, and each time I hesitated and the seat beside him filled with another patron ordering a drink. He stood up and walked out around 11:30 or so, with a 3/4 full beer sitting on the bar. I said (out loud, to the table) I would walk over to introduce myself and invite him to sit, when he came back. The bartender cleared his drink around 12:15 or so.

I hope he went to another bar and walked in and saw some of his friends, or some other girl walked over to invite him to join her table.

Why i don’t know if i’ll ever finish unpacking….

On Saturday i went to a going-away party for a friend who works downtown.

Got home by midnight, fell asleep.

On Sunday i went to brunch, then to Blend, then to Buckroe Beach, then to the hardware store. later melissa came over and we juiced so much stuff. pre-juicing cornocopia below:

On Monday i slept in a bit, then went shopping. i bought this dress, which i’ve been told is AWESOME and is PERECT and it was only $14 so i’m STOKED:

I also got two other dresses, heels, two blazers, a purse and a blouse, and some shampoo and toiletries, all for under $150.

Then i went to a Chinese buffet with a friend, rented “Ted” from Redbox and watched that, and “How I Met Your Mother.”

On Tuesday I worked, went to a friend’s house for dinner, then went to the gym. And i didn’t fall over. 12 minutes on the elliptical and 25 on the machines. i didn’t hate it. Then we went to walmart.

Today i work, then i have dinner with my friend from Richmond.

Tomorrow I work, then i go see the sneak peek of Warm Bodies with a friend. Then i hope said friend will help me put stuff in my attic.

On Friday, I work in Va. Beach, then i am going to see American Idiot at Chrysler Hall. When i am done with that, Mallory (my bestie) will have arrived at my house from Radford.

On Saturday I take my mom out to lunch and give her a birthday present. Then I have to buy a baby shower gift and find something to do Saturday night. I’m *thisclose* to getting tickets to see the Ambassadors at the Norva, because i truly love them.

On Sunday I do brunch, a baby shower, laundry and juicing with Melissa late night.

THIS IS WHY I NEVER UNPACK MY HOUSE. I literally am home, (when i’m not asleep or getting ready to leave, or working) an hour a day at most, it seems.

I lied to a little girl the other day

I was haphazardly re-applying eyeliner in the ladies room at Washington Dulles when I heard a small voice beside me; “What happened to your arm?”

Usually when people ask me about the violet line extending from the middle of my hand toward my elbow, I freeze. I could lie (“It was a shark! With really even teeth!”), dismiss (“Long story, no big deal”), defend (“Do you always ask people personal questions in the bathroom?) or answer straight.

It was the worst walking in Wal-Mart in December of 2011, limping and slinged with a large cast… every two aisles some unassuming yet intrusive older man would say ‘What, did you get into a car accident?” or “I bet the other guy looks worse, hardy-har-har!” I should be accustomed to the invasion now – it’s even more awkward when people purposefully don’t mention it until it becomes A THING, that I have to EXPLAIN. Can’t win for losing, basically.

As I worked through my response in just a second, I saw the small voice’s owner out of the corner of my eye. Pivoting on my left foot and inclining my head down, I contemplated the pig-tailed blonde human in front of me. She couldn’t have been more than six, tops, (WHERE WAS HER MOTHER? The mama bear -who i keep buried under boxes of movie trivia- clamored for attention), wore glasses too big for her face and a pink Dora the Explorer top.

My pseudo-niece, Lucy, adores Dora. I didn’t understand, when I was holding her three days out of the hospital, worried I would drop her, that she’d turn into this talkative, curious little girl who pirouettes on command (finishing with a loud “Ta-Da!” and wave of her arms). Few notice, I think, that I hoot and holler way more than the average aunt. Clapping with one hand doesn’t make enough noise for me, since my clapping ran off with my left radius.

I leaned down to the little one, eyeliner in hand, and decided to be honest. “I had a bone tumor in my wrist.” She stared at me for a moment, and I could see her eyes grow larger as she decided how she would respond. In that brief moment, I decided to be dismissive and nonchalant, thinking my truth wasn’t something really appropriate for someone so small. “It’s ok now though, I’m fine. It didn’t even really hurt.” I couldn’t help but lie, looking at Dora-lite. I needed to lie just a little.

Dora-lite, whose eyes had stilled, stepped forward a tiny half step, maybe because she wanted to make sure I could hear her. (There were some loud ladies two sinks over complaining about the size of the bathroom and how most of the restaurants were closed already).

“My friend Billy has a tumor in his brain,” she whispered.

I stepped back, I couldn’t help it. As my hip brushed the front of the sink my mind started working again, harder and faster than before.

“That’s tough, kid. I’m sure he’s going to be just fine though.” I lied. Or I didn’t. And I think that, if things go badly, years from now she’ll hate me for that lie.

She nodded, turned on her heel and walked out the bathroom without casting a backward glance. I turned back to the sink and turned the water on and watched the water splash on my slightly shaking hands, just for a second.

a short bio for a conference…

Amber Nettles is a Facebook enthusiast and overall social media geek who works with radio stations and their clients in order to maximize their efforts on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram and blogs. Prior to working in radio and digital advertising, she was employed for a Chicago Tribune-owned newspaper for six years. Starting out as a copyeditor and page designer, she later managed mobile and social media training and operating protocol for the editorial staff. She’s worked with small, medium and big businesses, as well as editorial staff in news and radio. When she’s not working, she collects vintage typewriters, chases her unruly pets, crochets scarves and tries to catch as many live music shows as possible at outside venues in her hometown in southeast Virginia.

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings – words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.

Stephen King (via meet-greet-beat-the-ego)

Day 3: Help me ID this OKCupid user

So, I have an online dating profile. Don’t judge.

I got this message a while back from someone on OKCupid, but he deleted his profile before I could respond. I need you to tell me if you know him (from OKCupid, or his handle) or if it was, in fact, you. 

“Hey Amber! I must admit I’m a little surprised to see you here. I would presume you’d be dating a plethora of interesting suitors as of late, as you always struck me as a very cool lady, despite your Android fetish. 😉 So how’s the TapHouse treating you these days? Oh, and tell me about your position as social media czaress!”     from rock_star12

Help me solve the mystery! He knows my real name, that I love Android phones, that I am at Taphouse a lot, and that I work in social. Tone-wise, I think it’s someone who hasn’t seen me in a while – I don’t talk about Android that much anymore… and he didn’t mention my wrist at all, so either he’s too polite to bring it up, he HAS seen me around lately and knows I’m OK, or he doesn’t know about it at all. 
Mallory and I think it’s someone who I last saw this past summer – as I left the Daily Press, was still obsessive about Android, before the wrist issues. Thoughts? 
If this is you, send me a message (FB, Twitter or Tumblr). If you know who it is, same. Don’t call anyone out; for all we know, he deleted his profile when he got a girlfriend. 

laundry

I have been going non stop today with work, so here’s a quick glimpse into my life: I refuse to do laundry until I absolutely must. This results in me leaving the house in a long skirt, wrinkled tank top and cardigan I found in the back of my closet that I probably haven’t worn in at least a year. It’s a little tight. DON’T CARE. I WON THE LAUNDRY WAR YET AGAIN.

Brunch

There is nothing I like better than going to brunch on a Sunday. In my college years, I was notorious for kidnapping people for brunch. Mallory and i did brunch during the week in summer, and we would gather large groups of people to eat at Oasis or Paul’s (both of which are closed now). These days, I am completely fine going to brunch at Taphouse or Conch and Bucket alone, since i always know either the staff or some of the other brunch regulars. I always get the same thing at Taphouse (all sides: bacon, eggs, veggies, english muffin, sausage gravy).

three things

1. i am typing with two hands, finally.

2. i hate it when you meet someone and immediately like them, in that “i-want-to-talk-to-you-some-more-because-i-find-you-very-interesting-and-also-kinda-hot” way, but you have no idea how to make that happen. 

3. I’m working from home today so i don’t infect other people in my office. my cats run out of the room every time i sneeze. 

Day 35: High Tech

Day 35: My new hi-tech accessory

The Exos brace. I’m MCV’s first patient to use one. These are replacing some types of fiberglass casts. “The technology consists of three layers of high tech polymers and foam that when laminated together create a lightweight matrix with features that have multiple benefits for practitioners and their patients. Exos products feature easy to use, clean, waterless application that does not require stockinette or cotton padding. They are simple to remove and do not necessitate the use of messy, loud, often disturbing cast saws. Exos products provide excellent stabilization with superior comfort for greater patient compliance.”

“… the world’s first dry heat, fully customizable, adjustable, reconformable, waterproof splinting, casting and bracing system. ”

(via Exos Corporation – Shaping Technology, Shaping Lives)

Day 31: Bills, Bills, Bills

Guess who received the first of many hospital bills today? Have to be thankful I have insurance, but jeesh. This is going to be a lean holiday season. Hopefully I’ll file my taxes super early and use my refund to pay off the majority of what I’ll owe.

Nablopomo Day 29: Crazycakes

What i wrote today, to my coworkers, who hopefully understand that i am just occasionally flat-out crazycakes and strange and weirdly nitpicky:

Random for the day, and very, very few people know this; Over and under really should apply to spatial reasoning only – numbers don’t have real “height,” they have value instead. 61 is not over 30, for example, because they don’t actually exist in any realm of space.

And this is so random but yeah, it’s something that only sticklers pick up on. And we don’t absolutely have to change it from the colloquial use, but … I’m randomly crazy about it.

Same reasoning that numbers don’t actually “rise” or “fall,” they increase or decrease.

Thus endeth my crazycakes commentary for the day.

Swollen

I know this is gross but yeah. This is what happens to my foot by 2 pm if i’m walking even a little.

NaBloPoMo Day 28: Swollen

I went into the office for the first day yesterday.  By about 2:00 PM , my right foot was so, so swollen.  I posted a picture yesterday as well. Now I understand why my doctor told me I would not be able to travel until January.

Like most women, I currently live in a society where violence, harassment and scary shit can break out at any moment, just because I told some random asshole “no” without bothering to be nice about it. Doing that is so dangerous that most women don’t dare; after a few scary incidents, they learn to make up excuses, to smile, to be sweet and welcoming, to act as if every single random asshole on the street is a precious new friend that they would just LOVE to stand outside of the Chipotle and chat with FOR HOURS, if only cruel fate had not intervened. That’s what it’s actually like, being a woman: Playing nice with every random asshole, because this random asshole might be the one who hurts you. And then, if he hurts you anyway, they’ll tell you that you led him on.

Tiger Beatdown (via pnasty)

This is so relevant to everything.

(via mindyshabibti)

THIS THIS THIS. 

This is what rape culture looks like.

(via silverqueen)

And so many men fucking do not get this.  

(via northerndownpour)

Nablopomo Day 26: Taboo?

i had an interesting coversation with a male friend today. 

is anyone else like me, in that i never, ever make a move? i mean, never? i told my friend i don’t recall ever being the person to DTR, drop th eL-bomb or even express my feelings first, besides the chaos that was my major high school boyfriend.

my friend and i then decided to make things even more awkward by discussing how “taboo” it is to turn to a friend and say “hi, i don’t know if you know this, but i wouldn’t mind be naked with you some time in the future.” 

and then, because i am an asshole, i reminded him of the time he did that with me.  we laughed and moved on. and the thing is, i don’t really know why he did that (a long time ago) but i’m pretty sure it wasn’t for the “right” reason; not that there’s any real definition of that. i care for him a great deal and it was definitely not right for us.

Last fall i briefly got involved with someone for no “right” reason. he was a good friend whom i’d known for 13 years (longer than Mallory) and we haven’t spoken in about a year. 

that’s why it’s “taboo,” i think. because when you cross that line it’s hard to go back. it’s a test of your friendship and usually, you or he will disappoint. usually both. 

and if you really, truly care about someone, what could make you take that chance? seriously? some guarantee that it will work? i don’t know. i’d like to think i’d take the chance on the right person at the right time. 

NaBloPoMo Day 25: Hot and Cold

Last night after a lovely meal, Mal and I went to see Breaking Dawn. After that we came home to watch the cat play with the iPad.
unfortunately for me, the rest of my night sucked. Narcotics withdrawal has me wrecked: flu-like symptoms, including nausea, stuffy nose, and, the worst, hot and cold flashes. I couldn’t sleep last night so I slept most of the day. Can’t wait till this is over. I’m down to no nerve pills and half a hydrocodone when the going gets tough, along with a ton of acetemetophin for the actual pain. I’m also taking a ton of calcium and vitamin D to help the bones heal/fuse.
This could be worse. This could be worse. This could be worse.
I know that is true but… Now that i’m not doped up i’m so, so cranky and frustrated and kinda depressed.

NaBloPoMo,Day 24: Thanks for all the fish

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all. Here’s my annual list:
I am thankful for Barefeet Shoes and its $20 boots, peppermint tea, honey badgers, Florence and The Machine, white clover, grey nail polish, leave-in hair conditioner, red lipstick, Target $10 V-neck tee shirts, fan-style space heaters, old typewriters, fluffy bathrobes and hand-knit scarves.
I’m also thankful for Mr. Trouble, my mom’s cocker spaniel, who always greets me like we haven’t seen each other in ten years. I’m thankful for my big-eyed tabby, Puddin, and my fat Siamese, Pyle, and all their homoerotic snuggling.
I’m thankful for,most importantly, my friends and family. The past two months have been awful, but they would have been so much worse if I didn’t have amazing people who take care of me and support me and make me laugh.

NaBloPoMo Day 23: Busy, busy

I worked so hard today. I feel like I did an ok job. I’m still getting back in the swing of things, but I got a contest done and did decent job on my conference call.

Tonight is the night before Thanksgiving, which means it’s basically a high school reunion in Downtown Hampton. I usually LOVE going to Taphouse on “reunion nights,” but tonight … Getting showered and dressed is difficult. I’m pretty committed, because I have friends in town I want to see, but it’s difficult to get motivated after working for nine hours straight. I’m a liitle trepidatious about fielding questions about the sling. “It’s a long story” will have to be sufficient for the majority of people who don’t follow me online, I think. I don’t really want to walk through the whole saga repeatedly all night, you know?

Tomorrow I’ll be posting my annual, typical Thanksgiving post. It’s interesting because I’ve already repeatedly been reminding myself of things I’m thankful for, trying to keep silver linings in mind as I get more and more frustrated with the current state of affairs. I sat in my living room last night, complaining to my roommate about things, but bookending with “I know I should be glad I’m not dying” and “And it will all be over in two months, right? Things will be normal again, one day.”

Perspective is key. I was in the transplant area of the hospital for the first few days after surgery, and that actually helped me remember that things really could be worse. This could have been bone cancer, malignant, metastastic or even in my right wrist instead of my left. I’m surviving and I’m healing and I’ve got amazing doctors and even more amazing friends and family.

NaBloPoMo Day 22: OMG SHOWER

I just took the first full shower I’ve had since surgery. And then I put on fancy pajamas and ate a cheeseburger. I also put on deoderant, moisturizer and hair conditioner. All of these things are important, seriously. I feel almost normal.